


All I Want (Is You)

by moonlitdrive



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, First Kiss, M/M, Romance, happy holidays love you guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 07:20:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17137442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlitdrive/pseuds/moonlitdrive
Summary: A year of adulthood has already passed and Bin feels as if nothing's changed.





	All I Want (Is You)

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is set in end 2017 because i wanted bin to be a specific age :’) also despite the warning for alcohol content, this will be nice and fluffy! i also wanted to wish all of you a very merry christmas and happy new year, so here’s my holiday special fic! p.s. please ignore the vague handwaving of family hometowns and the like in some bits so that i can set the scene :B i've also never played mario kart in my life so whatever's in here is the result of 5 min of cursory googling
> 
> edit: yes i did just edit the fic after 9 months because 5 min of cursory googling didnt tell me that U CANT PLAY MARIO KART ON A PS4 shut up i didnt own a console back then but i am better informed now

Despite having come of age nearly a year ago, Bin would be the first to bemoan the fact that he really hasn’t done many “fun adult things” at all. He’s perhaps watched all of three (or maybe four) mature-rated films (and relished the chance to show his ID with his  _ finally legal _ birthdate every single time) and stayed up all night at a PC room  _ maybe _ once. (It isn’t fun when the two oldest are too boring, Dongmin’s too busy and the two youngest are, of course, too not-legal. Bin’s never cursed the group’s age order more.) But most importantly, there’s been a  _ serious _ lack of alcohol.

Sure, they’ve attended multiple company dinners where everyone able would have several glasses of beer or soju, but events like those are always a little uncomfortable and stiff-collared what with all the company executives and big bosses milling around. And when Astro got the rare chance to have a meal out with just them and perhaps their manager, they’d forgo alcohol out of solidarity for their two youngest. Myungjun and Jinwoo might have a beer or two but their manager would have to drive all of them home at the end of the night, so most times they’d just toast each other with sodas.

Bin only knows what his and Dongmin’s alcohol limits are because of this one party they’d been invited to early in the year, where each of them had managed about two bottles of soju each. Dongmin had developed a small headache from the combination of tiredness and alcohol, so Bin had called them a cab and they left for home, where Bin had tucked Dongmin into his (blessedly lower) bunk and crashed out in his own soon after. They hadn’t really had time to enjoy being drunk since there was some kind of junket relatively early the next morning. The entire experience had felt like a wasted opportunity.

That’s why Bin has been especially looking forward to the 31st of December this year, and finally the long-awaited day has arrived. They’re currently gathered at Jinwoo’s parents’ apartment, an airy yet homey comfortably-sized flat that his family owns just on the outskirts of the city. Jinwoo’s family is out of town and they’ve graciously allowed Jinwoo the use of their place to have a small party slash getaway for New Year’s since Astro’s dorm is the size of a closet. There won’t be a meeting or morning practice tomorrow since they’ve got a few days of well-deserved break after working hard all year. So Jinwoo’s calling in extra-large orders of pizza and chicken while Myungjun rummages in Jinwoo’s parents’ alcohol cupboard as Sanha and Minhyuk hook up the Switch they’d brought from their dorm to the big flatscreen in the hall.

Bin’s warm with fondness as he looks around at the endearingly domestic scene laid out before him. Jinwoo’s shouting across the room at Myungjun - “ _ don’t you dare drop that Yamazaki, it cost several hundred dollars!” _ \- while Sanha worms his long way under the couch -  _ “ugh, hyung, so many dust bunnies!!” _ \- to retrieve a little HDMI adapter that Minhyuk might or might not have rolled under there on purpose. Humming, Bin scans the room for their last member, but his beloved roommate is nowhere to be found.

Dongmin finally emerges from the bathroom a little while later wearing what Bin’s convinced is the world’s ugliest sweater. Christmas is already over but Jinwoo’s parents had left belated Christmas presents for all of the boys, and each one had turned out to be a completely ridiculous holiday jumper. When pressed, all Jinwoo would allow by way of explanation was “You know my mom, she has… eclectic taste?” before stifling a snicker and running off to “do something important.” Bin has a suspicion that Jinwoo had a hand in the decision, though, because his own is the least ugly of the batch (if Christmas sweaters can even be ranked that way).

Bin winces good-naturedly as Dongmin walks up to him with a big smile, arms held out to show off the horrible design in full and even doing a twirl for added effect. It’s almost infuriating how even a terrible holiday jumper can’t do a thing to put so much as a dent in Dongmin’s gorgeous countenance. An affectionate smile threatens to tug at the corners of his lips, though he refrains from letting it show, just as he has a thousand times before.

“How do I look?” Dongmin grins, fishing for a smart comment from Bin more than an actual compliment. It’s well known among the members as well as the fans how Bin feels about Dongmin’s looks, what with Bin never hesitating to gush about the older boy’s ability to look gorgeous even right after waking up. They just gloss over it every time it comes up, or else Bin tends to get embarrassing about it.

Bin pushes down what he  _ really _ wants to say and puts on a fake grimace, shielding his eyes with his hand and pretending not to look even as he peers through the gaps in his fingers mischievously. “Oh, get it away from me. You don’t want the fashion police arresting you on New Years’ Eve.”

Dongmin lets out a satisfied laugh. “Please, they’re probably all off duty tonight. It’s a public holiday tomorrow, you know.” He saunters over to where Jinwoo is still on the phone trying to put in their pizza orders just to see their leader’s eyes bug out when he catches a glimpse of Dongmin actually  _ wearing _ the joke sweater. Bin lets his eyes linger on Dongmin’s retreating form (and butt. His retreating butt too) a little too long and knows he’s been caught when he turns around to go help the kids finish setting up the Switch and instead meets Myungjun’s knowing gaze from across the room.

It’s no secret that Bin has been attracted to Dongmin for the longest time. Or more like it’s no secret among the entire group minus Dongmin himself, who has somehow remained blissfully oblivious ever since that fateful day that their manager had introduced him to Bin for the first time back when they were both still trainees. Despite Bin’s constant praise for Dongmin’s unmatched beauty he’s never seemed fazed by it, just blushingly shy. Bin, to his credit, has never let it get in the way of their relationship, both as friends and as teammates - Dongmin’s beautiful, and he’s blessed every day to be able to wake up to such a sight, but he’ll be damned if he lets the friendship he treasures so much and the group that they’ve  _ all _ worked so hard for fall apart because he can’t keep it in his pants.

Still, Myungjun and Jinwoo are well aware of Bin’s long-term crush, and Minhyuk has given him his fair share of curious-turned-knowing glances. Sanha just insists (softly, out of earshot of Dongmin) that he’s sure Bin and Dongmin are already dating -  _ “they’re always together in their room!!”  _ \- before someone shoves him in the side to make him shut up. Bin’s grateful for the open secret because it means the only one he has to hide it from is his own crush but neither do they offer him much advice or help, just a lot of elbowing when Dongmin’s looking particularly disheveled or extra dolled up for some magazine centerfold shoot. Usually Bin has to go stick his head in the freezer for a minute when something like that happens.

He’s managed to keep it under control thus far with many cold showers to keep himself from doing anything impulsive, but recently Bin has found himself more and more attuned to Dongmin’s every move. The uneven quirk of his lips when he talks about something funny. The little sliver of belly that peeks out from under his shirt when he stretches and yawns before bed. Even the way he gulps down a bottle of water after an exhausting practice session is handsome. Bin used to be able to shake it off and focus, but the more time they spend together the more Bin feels himself falling hopelessly for his gorgeous, clueless roommate.

“Okay, we’re splitting into two teams! Tag team Mario Kart! Losers will do the dishes tomorrow morning!” Minhyuk announces, brandishing a controller as he tosses another one at Sanha. Bin snaps out of it after a long second and trots obediently over to Minhyuk’s side, where the younger gives him a confident fist-bump.

Myungjun joins them with a hoot of excitement. “You guys have me now, so we’re 100% gonna win!”

Jinwoo slings his arms around Dongmin and Sanha’s shoulders, dragging them down to his height with a laugh. “Excuse me? We’ve got Sanha the game champion on our team. Prepare to wash dishes, losers.”

They all get situated in front of the TV with the first two competitors front and center, the rest of them draped over the furniture with their various drinks. Minhyuk and Jinwoo are elbowing each other wildly as the screen blares “Go!” and they’re off to the sounds of cheering and shrieking.

Bin sips on a whiskey and coke that Myungjun’s handed to him, feeling the cool liquid line his belly with heat. The eldest must have been rather heavy handed with the liquor, because despite Bin’s decent alcohol tolerance a tingly warmth begins to spread through his body, like slipping into a jacuzzi after a long day. An easy smile graces his lips as Jinwoo and Minhyuk complete the first lap of the race, before suddenly he has the controller shoved into his hands with Minhyuk shouting “Go, go, go!!”.  _ Oh crap. It’s tag team, isn’t it? _

True to his reputation, Sanha finishes the second lap in the lead, leaving Bin several furious lengths behind. He trades off the controller to Myungjun with a shout as he crosses the line and the final lap begins.

It’s the final round and he’s supposed to be cheering for his teammate, but Bin makes the mistake of casting his gaze over at Dongmin instead and suddenly that’s all he can see. His roommate dressed in a terrible seasonal sweater, leaning forward in his seat as if it’ll help him win the race, his brows furrowed and - oh, help - his tongue poking out just a little in concentration. Maybe it’s the alcohol that has finally begun to dissolve the last of his inhibitions, but Bin can’t help but keep his eyes fully fixated on one Lee Dongmin.

The other team wins, of course. Myungjun tosses every koopa shell he can pick up to no avail - the lead that Sanha had finagled through sheer skill keeps Dongmin comfortably in first the whole round, and he crosses the finish line to a chorus of cheers and groans.

“Victory shots!” Jinwoo declares, handing a shotglass of vodka to Dongmin and one of apple juice to the youngest, who rolls his eyes and tosses it back with the rest.

“Uuugh, as if soju wasn’t bad enough. This is straight up rubbing alcohol,” Dongmin complains good-naturedly.

Jinwoo just snickers and pours him another. “For the winning driver,” he grins, wiggling the glass in his hand and sloshing the liquid around.

Dongmin grimaces but downs the vodka dutifully, groaning with a shudder. “Ughhh. Gross.”

Feeling vaguely white-knightish, Bin plucks the shotglass from Dongmin’s hand and pours himself a shot too, ignoring Jinwoo’s suddenly pointed glance. “Here, don’t suffer alone, I’ll have one too.”

The alcohol burns its way down his throat for a long second, long enough for Bin to mentally kick himself over the head for acting on impulse before thinking. The flash fire in his esophagus just adds to his regret. “Argh, that tastes like nail polish remover,” Bin says when he’s recovered. “And before you ask how I know that tastes like, please be reminded I have a sister.”

To his relief Dongmin remains oblivious to his accidental overtures and only laughs whole-heartedly at his sister reference, a lovely, warm sound like a burbling stream. It’s enough to encourage Bin to ignore Jinwoo’s raised eyebrow and put his hand on Dongmin’s shoulder, squeezing it almost casually as they chuckle together. Just two roommates having a good time. Really.

They’re interrupted by the pizza finally arriving, followed shortly by the chicken delivery too. Everyone scrambles to lay out the food, because by now they’re pretty much starving. Having several shots on an empty stomach also means Bin’s starting to feel the effects of the alcohol much quicker than usual, a warm relaxation seeping into his muscles and a gentle tingling in his extremities. The food also for some reason tastes extra delicious, which only adds to Bin’s good mood. He heaps a paper plate high with greasy pizza and chicken wings before retreating to the couch with a red solo cup full of what Myungjun had proudly declared a mojito, though a sip informs him it’s basically just a lot of rum with some citrusy juice they had in the fridge.

The rest of the evening proceeds in such a fashion - the four older members get progressively more and more tipsy, while the two younger ones provide progressively more and more eye rolls. Thankfully with the familiar company and comfortable atmosphere, Bin is able to actually enjoy the awareness of lowered inhibitions and the feeling of time oozing slowly past him like a tangible thing. He hopes (or at least he thinks he hopes) that Dongmin’s having more fun than the last time they’d gotten this drunk, but from the easy smile on Dongmin’s face as he shoots the shit about nothing in particular with the rest of their members, Bin thinks he needn’t worry.

Eventually they start to split off in pairs to while away the rest of the night. Sanha and Minhyuk, not being drunk, have turned their attention back to the Switch and are now playing King of Fighters on half volume. Myungjun and Jinwoo are sitting on opposite ends of the couch in the living room, half having a pleasantly drunken chat and half spectating the Fighters match. Bin finds himself wandering down the hallway to the other end of the house where the lights haven’t been switched on, and at the end he finds Dongmin sitting on the balcony floor in a puddle of moonlight, gazing out at the city through the railing.

He slides the glass door open gently and Dongmin turns to greet him with a soft “Hi”, which Bin returns by poking Dongmin cheekily in the ear. They’ve always been comfortable with each other, and though Bin feels a little shaky, he’s not nervous. In fact he feels almost emboldened.  _ Must be the alcohol _ , he thinks for a split second, before he sits himself down next to Dongmin with a sound of contentment.

For the last night of the year, it’s strangely pleasant out. Not warm by any means, but it hasn’t snowed today, and there’s no chilly breeze to chase them back indoors so soon. The air is still and the sounds of the city can be heard, softly but distinctly. A car alarm goes off in the distance before it’s hurriedly switched off again. A dog barks once or twice. And Bin can hear both himself and Dongmin breathing gently, almost in tandem. He turns to look at the boy next to him and for a long moment, time stops short.

The moon, ringed in soft rainbow haze, casts a silvery halo over Dongmin’s head. Bin can’t tell if it’s the alcohol or the fact that he’s harbored a crush on this angel of a being for as long as he can remember, but Dongmin is ethereal, a silvery god made real in the moonlight. His plush lower lip has a wet sheen to it, and it occurs to Bin that he’s been biting it.

“What’s up?” Bin ventures, as if he hasn’t been fighting with his own feelings the entire past four years either. But when Dongmin’s troubled, Bin always feels like he wants to make it better. Someone like Dongmin, with his gentle smile and his selfless demeanour and his kind heart, doesn’t deserve to be troubled.

Dongmin hesitates, his lip trembling as if he’s trying to say something but the words won’t come out right. His face looks pained and Bin feels a spike of concern, again remembering the headache Dongmin had sustained the night of the other party. He hopes fervently that’s not the case. It’s a beautiful night, and the thought of Dongmin not being able to enjoy it anymore kills him inside.

Gently, he reaches out and places a hand on Dongmin’s knee. Perhaps that’s the reassurance he needs, because Dongmin speaks, and Bin’s world falls down.

“I can’t keep this from you anymore, Bin. It’s selfish of me to say this now - I know it’s not something to joke about with the future of the group ahead of us - but I think I’m in love with you.”

Bin is shocked. It must show on his face, because Dongmin scrambles to get up - “I’m so sorry, that was uncalled for, I should go-” - but Bin grabs his hand.

“No, you shouldn’t. Don’t go. Stay here with me,” Bin says quickly, a note of pleading in his voice as his mind reels to catch up.  _ I’ve liked him for so long. I thought he felt nothing. I don’t know what to do. _ But deep down he knows he does.

Dongmin looks terrified, but he sinks back to the ground, drawing his knees in and wrapping his arms around himself self-consciously. Bin suddenly hates himself for making Dongmin feel this way. It’s his fault! He’s got to fix it! So, drawing in a deep breath, he closes his eyes for a second to settle his swirling thoughts, and then confesses.

“I’ve had a crush on you since I first met you. I thought it was just because you’re gorgeous, and I thought I could handle it, and you never really said anything back when I talked about you so I thought you didn’t see me that way and I-I thought I would grow out of it. But I never did.”

The words come out all in a rush, and when Bin pauses to take a breath Dongmin opens his mouth to speak but Bin holds up a finger to shush him. “No!   I-I’m not done. Nowadays I can’t stop thinking about you. Everything you do makes me crazy. When you smile I want to taste it. When you laugh I want to be the reason for it. I really like you. I guess… I guess I’m in love with you too.”

They sit in silence, Bin’s confession hanging between them like smoke in the still air. There are tears welling up in Dongmin’s eyes, and there’s a sense of panic welling up in Bin’s chest before Dongmin smiles.

“I didn’t dare believe,” Dongmin whispers, raising his wrist to wipe at his eyes with his sweater cuff. “I thought you were just being nice. I thought you were just… I don’t know. Playing off the whole visual of the group thing. Flirting with me for fanservice.” He reaches out hesitantly before resting his hand on top of Bin’s. “I didn’t dare imagine you felt anything real for me. But you’ve been the kindest, sweetest person to me for so long. I couldn’t not fall for you.”

Bin’s skin prickles as warmth - and relief - floods his body. “And I thought you were completely oblivious. I guess I was so focused on hiding my feelings I never noticed yours at all.” He lets out a choked laugh. “Min, I’m so sorry. I’m so dumb. You’re crying because of me.” He tries to wipe away another tear that rolls down Dongmin’s cheek, but the other raises his hand instead to press Bin’s palm against his face.

“I’m crying because I’m happy, you dolt. You make me happy.” Dongmin leans into his touch like a cat as Bin brushes his thumb gently across his cheek. His eyes trace the planes of Dongmin’s face as if studying a work of art, from the arch of his eyebrows to the high bridge of his nose and the soft swell of his parted lips. Lips he’s been dreaming of kissing for years.

Perhaps Bin’s gaze lingers there for too long, because finally Dongmin has to tell him. “Kiss me, stupid.”

So at long last Bin leans in and presses his lips to Dongmin’s. It feels almost indescribable. Dongmin’s lips are as soft as he’s ever imagined, and yet he kisses back with a calm and gentle firmness, just like he does everything else in his life. He tastes like vodka and those breath mints he always carries around in his pockets. He smells like cedar wood and evergreen. Bin lets the hand that’s cupping Dongmin’s face move to cradle the back of his head, fingers gently slipping through the locks at his nape as their lips move softly together like the ebb and flow of waves on the shore.

After what feels both like an eternity and no time at all, Bin breaks the kiss. He leans his forehead gently against Dongmin’s as they catch their breath together, the tips of their noses barely brushing.

“You’re amazing,” Bin murmurs, a little dazed. He’s not sure he’s fully back in his body yet after a moment like that.

Dongmin laughs softly. “And you’re beautiful,” he replies, giving Bin a second kiss, just a gentle peck on the lips. Bin follows instinctively as Dongmin draws back, seeking the warmth of his breath. Instead Dongmin pulls back enough to press one more kiss against Bin’s temple, with a softly resonant hum that Bin can almost feel more than hear.

“I love you, Bin,” Dongmin murmurs against the side of his head, draping his arms over Bin’s shoulders, as naturally as if he’s been doing it all his life.

Bin’s heart feels like it’s swollen with joy, his body warmed from the inside out. He feels like he could explode into confetti at any moment. Instead he wraps an arm around Dongmin and pulls him a little closer, resting his hand on Dongmin’s hip.

“I love you too,” he manages to whisper back, despite his throat almost choking up with emotion. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted for so long. And now you’re mine. I’ll always be there for you, I promise.”

He feels Dongmin chuckle ever so softly. “You already are,” Dongmin replies, tightening his arms around Bin reassuringly. “But I’m happy for you to continue, baby.”

Bin flushes at the pet name. Thrown around casually between the members, it had never held any meaning past teasing sentiment, but hearing it fall so naturally from Dongmin’s lips now makes Bin’s stomach fill with butterflies.

Eventually they start to shiver as a wintry breeze picks up, and Bin takes that as the cue to usher Dongmin back indoors. After a moment of deliberation, he slides his hand into Dongmin’s own and laces their fingers together, and like that they walk back into the living room.

Jinwoo perks up as soon as they enter the main hall and his eyes immediately dart to their entwined hands. He slaps Myungjun on the shoulder, who twists around to see what’s going on before shrieking in delight.

“I knew it! I  _ knew _ it, Jinwoo!!!” Myungjun bounces off the couch and flings his arms around the both of them. “You weren’t the only one with a big fat crush,” he gloats as Bin stares at him in disbelief.

“Wait, you  _ knew _ ??” Bin feels betrayed. A glance over at Dongmin informs him that the other feels similarly. But he squeezes Dongmin’s hand encouragingly all the same, determined to keep the promise he’s just made.

Jinwoo saunters up grinning. “Yeah, we just all agreed not to meddle. Do you know how hard it’s been to just give you two meaningful looks for years and years?”

Sanha pops his head up from where he’s been laying on the floor in front of the TV, on which an American holiday movie is playing. “You mean you weren’t already dating before? Coulda fooled me-  _ ow _ !!” He’s cut off abruptly by a foot in his side belonging to one Park Minhyuk, who’s conveniently on his way over to join in the sudden festivities.

“You deserve each other,” Minhyuk says with a satisfied smile, clapping each of them on the shoulder. “It took ages but I’m glad you two finally got over yourselves and got with each other.” He winks saucily. “Now make honest men out of each other, alright?”

If Bin was blushing before he’s fire engine red now. “That’s not something you tell people who just got together!!” His voice squeaks at the end in indignance, causing Dongmin to laugh despite the embarrassment.

“I’ll take good care of him I promise,” Dongmin announces, making a show of pretending to usher Bin out of the room as Jinwoo sputters.

“Not in my  _ parents’ apartment _ you won’t!!”

“You’d rather they do it back in the dorm??”

“OKAY STOP,” Bin all but screams, even as a wide grin threatens to split his face in two. “This is not up for discussion. Dongmin, don’t encourage them.”

Dongmin has an arch smirk lingering about the corners of his mouth. “Sure, babe,” he coos, pressing yet another kiss to the side of Bin’s head. Their slight height difference really doesn’t help matters, placing Bin’s temple in easy reach of Dongmin’s lips. Myungjun shrieks with glee as Jinwoo gasps and fumbles in his pockets for his phone, which is actually on the coffee table. Minhyuk’s hand darts up and slaps itself over Sanha’s eyes at the speed of light, who squawks as convincingly as a parrot.

Bin’s face is on fire. “I’ve had it with all of you, including you, you horrible boyfriend,” he declares facetiously, threatening to march right back out of the living room, his hand still pointedly lingering in Dongmin’s grip.

“Boyfriend,” Dongmin repeats instead, his voice dreamy with wonder. “We’re boyfriends now.” He has that trademark dopey smile on his face, the one where his eyes disappear into crescents and you can see all his teeth. Bin can only roll his eyes and step back into his arms, tucking his nose into the soft skin behind Dongmin’s ear.

“Yes. Boyfriends. I’m yours and you’re mine.”

Surrounded by the clapping and cheering of their best friends, swaddled in the embrace of the one he loves, Bin feels as if his life is finally complete.

 

_ All I want is you, just like the first time I saw you _

_ My heart wants to give you everything _


End file.
